Perfect by nature
by NaItOIkI
Summary: AUthis is going to be a oneshot unless someone wants me to turn this into an actual story. kagome reflects upon how her mother has effected herself and her family. rated m for strong language and certain referances.


AN: this is going to be a oneshot unless someone wants me to turn this into an actual story. i do have an idea for a story if one is suggested. the song used in this is "Everybody's fool" by Evanescence.  
disclaimer: i do not own the characters of inuyasha or the song Everybody's fool by Evanescence.

_perfect by nature_

Perfect...just the sheer utterance of the word makes me want to hurl. But in this life of glitz and glamor...that is what you must become. A disgusting thing really, to transform your self into something that is completely not your own.

_  
icons of self indulgence_  
My mother...the epitome of all that is self absorbed. I used to admire her...why in the hell I did. I don't know. All she ever cared about was getting drunk and getting laid by the current hottest bachelor out there.

_just what we all need  
more lies about a world that  
_lying...the most important rule we were taught as soon as we could talk.You lie to make your-self look good. Whether or not honesty was required in the matter...I mean after all...its Hollywood.

Who gives a rats ass?

_  
never was and never will be_

I stare at my reflection in my floor length mirror. The ass length ebony hair my mother and I were ever so famous for, shimmering in the light. Adding an exotic look to my slightly tan skin and hazel eyes. It was what made us soo alike in the public eye. And that just happened to be the best damn thing they could see. _  
_

_have you no shame don't you see me_

How I hated it...

I could hear my brother pounding on my french doors demanding to know what that noise was... he has nothing to worry about...I mean after all...

it was only a 3500 dollar mirror from Italy.

_That just happened to be shattered on my floor..._

It never mattered what me or my brother did...just as long as our reputation wasn't ruined, our mother never cared, dad was never around. All in all, we could get away w/ murder so long as some one else got the hot seat.

I am going through one hell of an identity crisis...I am 15, almost 16...and sick and tired of being compared to my "mirror image"...

_  
you know you've got everybody fooled_

The divorce with our father was bloody and tear-stained...who won? Of course I mean if I was the court I would leave two defenseless children in the hands of a alcoholic, sex crazed model. Fuck the rock-star father who actually wants them.

Mother dearest of course...had to have her way

_  
look here she comes now  
bow down and stare in wonder_

The world seems to stop and focus on her every time she enters a party or a room.

Hell...yep hell would probably freeze for her as well.

_  
oh how we love you_

The cat-walk is her best friend...along with the designer clothing she is so attached to. Almost like its her second skin...she is so fake, yet no one can see past that mask of hers...in reality...she's a conniving, manipulative, vindictive, self absorbed bitch.

_no flaws when you're pretending_

if only the media could see the actual demon she is...

A real shit faced mother fucker..

And as for me and Roku'? Well...we each have our problems...

Mine just happen to be some-what life threatening...well in other people's opinion they would be..

Roku just knows how to cope better...which is in the form of staying on tour 24/7. Lucky him...

As for me...well...

With every scar there lies a story...

I must have a hundred.

_but now i know she  
never was and never will be  
you don't know how you've betrayed me_

She used me, im a trump card in order to keep her fame escalating...bitch.

Didn't matter if I got hurt...

or who hurt me for that matter...god, no amount of therapy will ever help that.

I could feel my shirt begin to cling to me, the feeling was an odd mixture of sticky and clammy...ugh...I look down only to see crimson begin to stain my sleeves and stomach...fuck..I actually like that shirt..

Oh well...I can always by a new one.

_  
and somehow you've got everybody fooled_

everyone except my brother...and his best friend...and my best friend...damn them. Sango doesn't know the extent of my depression... She has enough on her mind as it is...

Yash knows to damn much..He really needs to learn not to corner me into confessing things...bastard...if not for him, I could have ended this all that much sooner..

And as for Roku...well...he's about to find out, that is if he can get into my room.

But until then...I continue my coping...

_without the mask where will you hide  
_Every day, I feel the walls around me begin to shatter and my facade quickly draining

Don't you hate it when that happens?

_can't find yourself lost in your lie _

I quickly begin to add more cuts to the already bleeding left arm and stomach...the feeling of my blood running down my arms and abdomen sent shivers along my spine...which doesn't usually happen...strange...oh well.

I toss the razor over my shoulder, in favor of the scissors laying carelessly on my floor.

Im so tired of being "perfect"

Bye-bye hair...

Good bye, imposter.

I watch as long locks of my raven hair fall to the floor , I stop when I feel my hair brush against my mid back...perfect.

_  
I know the truth now_

shit...I can hear Yash out there as well...dammit! My door wont last at this rate.

Yelling...all I hear is yelling...the blaring hard rock from my speakers keeps drowning out the voices of my brother and his friend...they cant see me like this...no one can...

Yet..

Deep inside...I really want them to.

I want to be held and told it'll be ok, that I don't have to pretend anymore...

That I can be myself and not have to worry.

_  
I know who you are_

I quickly run as fast as my blood loss induced haze will let me, and change into a black hoodie and a pair of cargo pants.

I dispose of the blood stained shirt by throwing it in the shower and turning it on. I lock the bathroom door and stuff the key into my pocket, just in time to hear one of my doors break and hear them in my room. Calling my name in a frantic notion.

Fuck the fact they'll see my room in shreds...it wouldn't be the first time. Though this time I did about 50 times more damage than the norm.

_  
and i don't love you anymore_

mom...

I hate you... I hate you soo much.

Yet, I also don't hate you. I can't bring myself to fully hate you...how angry it makes me...

Damn my emotions...  
_  
it never was and never will be_

before I made my way into my room I eyed the picture on my wall...a surge of emotions flowed through me and I lost control...tears pricked my eyes and fell freely down my face..

_you don't know how you've betrayed me_

WHY! Why cant I just get the fuck over this!I threw my fist into the nearest object...which just happened to be a picture of Mom and myself on my 15th birthday. The glass had shattered instantly from the impact and strength of the hit and was falling to the floor , any and all other pieces were currently making a new home in my hand. I retracted my fist out of the frame and just stood there as it slid down the wall onto the floor. Then there was nothing but silence... the only thing I could here was the eerie shattering of the remaining glass as the frame finished its journey to the ground.

_  
and somehow you've got everybody fooled_

I feel myself disconnecting from reality as a realization hit me like a damn freight train...I've lost too much blood and was going to die if I didn't get help soon. Damn, what a way to die.

_  
it never was and never will be_

Then I could feel myself falling...no...floating down to the ground in a graceful swoop. Before I hit the ground I could finally hear the rushing of footsteps...the echoing of voices...

_  
you're not real and you can't save me_

Miroku...Inuyasha...

_  
somehow now you're everybody's fool_

Those were my last thoughts before I let the darkness consume me...falling into an never ending abyss where no one can reach me..._  
_


End file.
